My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
