that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
