oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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