quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I could fuck to npr.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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