that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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