drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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