I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.