I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.