I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.