I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."