you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
