The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
