I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
