Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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