I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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