aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
