So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
