Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
