my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
