dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
