I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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