There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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