so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
