I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
