his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
