At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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