Is it because I queefed?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
