peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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