You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have aggressive nipples.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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