oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You ate ashes out of my bong
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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