Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
