Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
