I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
