I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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