I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
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So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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