allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
