I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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