tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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