the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
