i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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