No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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