I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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