one two three fourrrrnication!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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