so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
