I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
