This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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