We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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