matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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