Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize