ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
