I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
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Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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