2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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