before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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