Sponge bath it is.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
