Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
