true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
