I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
