i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
