At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
