I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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