pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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