my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
