her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
