Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just cut my nipple shaving
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
