so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
