Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
