So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How many fucks given?
0.12846
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
