Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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