well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
