he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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