take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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