I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
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It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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