Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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