my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Damn victory sex feels great
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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